Slowly, he turned the bottle of mustard over above his burger and gave it a tap. Tap, tap, tap. It wasn't one of those easy, plastic, just give it a little squeeze and produce a steady stream of yum all over your sandwich. Tap, tap, tap, tap. No. It was the old style in a glass bottle where it sits like concrete at the bottom in an atmosphere where gravity has no effect.
Tap, tap, tap. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. There was no banging the damn thing onto the table as I would do. No anxiously shoving a butter knife into it setting free a golf ball sized glop. Nope. Just, tap tap tap tap. Tap, tap, tap. "Hmm, it's too hard," and he gently set the defiant thing back on to table. Shane is amazing. I mean, really amazing. Nothing seems to create anxiety in this man. A trait that has served us incredibly well as of late.
How can I explain this? Well, Shane and I had a rocky beginning. That's a lovely way of putting it, isn't it? When I met Shane, he was partying naked in front of a bon-fire and I knew he was for me. Unfortunately, we were uncertain about each other and our chemical induced eyes wandered a little. More than our eyes wandered, actually.
I am aware and ashamed of the fact that some of you were there. You saw what happened. My best friend today was Shane's best friend first. When Shane and I first got together, she told him I was bad news for him. This, I'm so sorry to say, put a slight rift in their friendship. One that, to this day, hasn't quite mended properly. She was right though. She loved him and was trying to protect him.
So what happened? What could possibly heal up damage like that? Well, a miracle actually. The details of which wouldn't be appropriate for me to go into in a blog. I'd like to use the word "saved" but that would imply something religious and Shane and I aren't really the religious types. But, something sort of like "saved" did happen to us and when we looked at each other with fresh eyes, we fell madly and forever in love.
And the no anxiety thing? I'm serious about that. Mustard is one thing. I'd flip a gasket over something like that so you can just imagine what our kids' problems are doing to me. Shane has stayed calm and kept a sense of humor through it all. Just a couple of days ago we were filling out the paperwork for Isabel's neuro-psychologist and it was asking us about family history. It asked us if anyone in our immediate family had any of the following and to check all that applied (we checked all of the following):
Neurological conditions - both sides
Problems with aggressiveness - both sides
Problems with attention, activity, and impulse control - both sides
Learning disabilities - both sides
Mental retardation - both sides
Depressive disorder - both sides
Alcohol abuse - both sides
Drug abuse - both sides
We got done with this and Shane smiled, looked at me, and said, "You know? We should've filled this out BEFORE we had kids!" We laughed and laughed and it dawned on me suddenly how much I love my husband. I would follow him to the end of the world and if he wanted to jump off I would plummet with him into uncertainty. I wouldn't change anything or give him up for all the dreams, all the money, and all the normal children in the whole world.
Although we did not get to hang out much as we lived across the state from you, I always loved being around Shane at men's retreats!
ReplyDeleteHe sees the good, the fun, and certainly the humor in all things!
I am so glad you started this blog! We are in a similar situation. We have been raising our niece M'rya since she was 3 1/2. She has reactive attachment disorder (in a nut shell- no trust of adult care and in a constant state of fight/flight/anxiety). She was much like a wild animal when we first started bringing her home. No stranger anxiety, no sense of self preservation, she would run away from us at the drop of a hat. We have walked a similar path.
We've been blessed to have Intermountain Children's Home here in Helena. They specialize in helping children with RAD. Just one of the small God deals that keep us together and attempting to live as normal a life as she is able to have.
We are about to see a child neuropsychologist for further testing as there are other issues that really speak towards high functioning autism. She reads at the 5th grade level in the 3rd grade, but needs cognitive speech therapy as she struggles to share even a simple story as it gets all messed up in her brain.
Genevieve and I soooo relate to the social stigma that comes with raising special needs children. Most people are not willing to do the work to be a friend. We thank God for people like you and Shane. People who are willing to be real, honest and caring.
You have a gift for telling your family story Mrs Spears! Blessings for your family.
Chad and Genevieve Anderson.